Last night it looked like, after twelve days depressed, my depression was shifting. This morning I was right back in the crapper, but this afternoon my mood was rising – and I decided to risk it and go to my Friday night ecstatic dance. When I’m up, I adore this free-form improvisational dancing; when I’m depressed I hate it.
I had a good time during the warm-up and it was clear that I was going to have a good dance. After the opening circle, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be great to write a blog post about dancing? I’ve been writing about cashiering and about bipolar disorder – let’s write about a fun topic, dancing.”
And a voice in me screamed “No!! Don’t spend the next hour on the dance floor thinking about what you’re going to write about it! Just shut up and dance!!”
And I had some luck doing that. (I really am very mental.) One set of thoughts that came right away and I felt fine about went, “How shall I apply this mindfulness/not thinking principle to the cashier dance floor?” The answer was clear and immediate. One day last week I was off on my cash at the end of the day. This is not good for a cashier. A previous time when I was off, in a different grocery store, my boss gave me some very sage advice: “You’re good with the customers – you have great conversations with them. But when the money comes out the chatter has to stop – only focus on the money. Then you can finish your conversation when your money is straight.” I may have to apologize to a customer for interrupting our conversation – “Give me a second to take care of this money, then we can finish talking.” They’ll understand – they want you to get their money right. I will put a sign on my cash register saying “Cash only” to remind myself of my intent.
You may need to come up with a different mindfulness break for your job, but I bet you can.
One other little glimpse of the dance floor, from my dance with sweet Mary. How differently can you dance from each other and still be dancing together? On the dance floor and in my relationships, I want some times when you are moving sensuously in rhythm, effortlessly mirroring each other’s movements – like Darlene and I did tonight – and other times when we go way out into our unique, quirky self-expression, yet still know that in some intuitive way we are creating something together.