I had such a good day until I got there
I found out early that there’s a slot
for my Christmas poem at church on Sunday
I had no hope, at this late date
I just wrote it the other day
and then today it took me just 15 minutes to edit it
from 5 minutes down to the max of four
a Christmas miracle
it is about self-love and Redemption
and lately I’ve had both
I went to the computer repair store
and found it will probably be cheaper than I thought
to replace my laptop keyboard
a writer with a keyboard that doesn’t work
sheesh
I went to the grocery store where I work
After two weeks on sick leave
And no way to know when I will return
and was treated like a returning hero
a friend invited me to a party
the store manager gave me a backrub
apparently she’s not mad at me
for complaining about stuff four weeks ago
and then I went there
My storage locker
probably should not have gone why did I go
I thought I might/would find
my voice-to-text software
I think it could be so helpful
to me with a busted wrist
not only did I not find it
but I found so much that I didn’t want
a legacy of loss and loneliness an archaeological dig
so many layers of my past
why do I still have that
where did that come from
what is that
I remember how messed up I was when I got that
I quickly ran out of Courage
the presence of my friend Laura my designated driver for today helped a lot
kept me whole
but did not keep me happy
did not keep me optimistic
did not keep me liking myself why does the past
have so much power to trash a happy Here and Now?
how do I stop the cycle from continuing?
how do I get the crap out of that Locker?
I will not ever return there alone
I will not look into that morass without someone at my side who loves me
who believes in me
who knows me as I am now whole and complete
not a prisoner of the past
I will write this poem
I will turn this chaos into art
I will trust you my reader to extend to me compassion
love even
Majo ~ I am truly sorry to hear about your broken arm!?! Did I miss the post on how that happened? May I trust that you have a line of friends ready and willing to help you? I can’t remember if you have a roommate these days? Majo, my mother transitioned on Nov. 26, so I feel I am going through an amazing metamorphis of deep grief and compassion for all of life which is quite draining energetically. I am managing to prepare six memorial scrapbooks to give to each of her grandchildren. We also found some beautiful poetry she had written!! So it is probably safe to say that I will be more available after Christmas Day (the memorial is in Nashville on the 23rd) if you need a ride or a meal cooked. In the mean time let me extend heartfelt empathy for your plight.
Warmest Christmas Hugs ~
Kathy Edwards
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Kathy –
Thanks so much for reading my blog post.
I did put stuff on Facebook about the injury, but if you are like me you wouldn’t see it. I post stuff on Facebook, but never read my newsfeed. Would like to – like the stuff my friends post (and would hear about events like this in my friends’ lives. I’ve also written about the accident in earlier blog posts. I especially recommend “On the Shelf” (12/9) and “The miracle of the surgery scheduling” (12/10). “You are so beautiful” (12/11) is actually, honestly, realistically a very beautiful poem that I feel sue you would like. I’m performing it on Sunday at Jubilee and Jackie Dobrinska will probably capture a video – and because I love you so much I’ve just given myself a reminder to send you the link:).
Geez, it’s been so long since we’ve had a visit – I’m liable to tell you I’m still not driving after the 23rd, even if I am…which is a toss-up at this point. We owe it to ourselves to get together somehow.
I have actually had tremendous help and support from my friends, including from my really great new roommate Justine (who is probably picking me up some groceries from Earth Fare as I’m writing this). And since last December (hey, we have an anniversary in a couple of days) I have had a totally fabulous little four pound dog, princess Toni. Is this still your email address: kathryn.elan@gmail.com? I’ll send you pictures. Do you still have your wonderful little dog?
Love,
Majo
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Ohh I so glad to hear that you do have a roommate and I was fairly confident you would have lots of help. The silver lining in life’s tragedies is getting to see how beautiful people can be when they reach out, hence my desire to do more reaching out. You warmed my heart to remind me that we don’t need a reason to plan to get together. I am totally up for seeing you soon after Christmas. Kathy E.
Sent from my iPhone
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You and I have had some wonderful connections in the past. I have missed you. It will be great to see you.
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