Merry Day After the Day After Christmas

I sing a song of Christmas
All  the things that happened and that didn’t happen
The times I reached out
And the times I kept my mouth shut
Christmas more than any other day
Is so overloaded with meanings
Memories and disappointments
How do we touch the fantasied
Joys of Christmas past?
How do we make up for
All the pain we have endured on this day?
And it’s not just us
All around us – everywhere in our society
Societies
People reaching too high
Being brought too low
If I can get this to happen with this person
I will be vindicated as a person
It will validate my life
Once all these false ornaments
Have fallen off the Christmas tree
What is left?

Today
Today I kept my mouth shut
When I felt the urge to say things
That could have stirred old wounds
Today I completely emptied my storage locker
Itself an exercise in confronting old demons
And tiny Christine, the property manager
Offered, from the goodness of her heart,
To help me of the broken wing
My immobility an assault on my manliness
Not inconsequential
To hoist two boxes into my car
Then did it all by herself
And my hundred dollar monthly payments end today
Today, my therapist Lorrie listened to me
And helped me make sense of all this and more
Helped me understand
That I’m making up all the meanings I put on these things
That I don’t have to do anything to fix these things
That my pain is mine to deal with
That no one needs to heal it
That no one needs to hear it
But maybe my therapist and maybe a good friend
Today my housemate Lucy
A good friend
Listened to me
While I reinforced what I needed to remember from Lorrie
While I sorted out some things that were still not clear
While I praised  myself for some little victories
While I extolled my love for people who have helped me
And people who have pissed me off
Today the guy at Hearn’s Cycles
To whom I took my brother’s old bike

picture-of-old-bicycle
That he gave me when he was dying of cancer
And now it seems that I am never going to ride
And have no place to keep
Which I desperately wanted to save from  the dump
The Hearn’s guy, on whom I dumped all this story
Gave me a strong handshake
Looked me in the eye
And said “Your brother’s bike will have new life.
I promise you this.”

Today, having returned from slaying and being half slain by
All these dragons
At the storage locker and the bike shop and the dump
My little four pound dog Toni
Greeted me like the hero I’ve always tried to be
And in one day have proved so often not to be
And maybe am anyway
She snuggled in my arms
And got very quiet and totally content
In that moment she wanted nothing else
And in that moment, that one blessed moment
Neither did I.

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7 thoughts on “Merry Day After the Day After Christmas

  1. What beautiful expression, Majo. I deeply related on so many levels. Thank You! Debra

    On Dec 27, 2017 6:51 PM, “Real life in the checkout line” wrote:

    > Majo posted: “Merry Day After the Day After Christmas I sing a song of > Christmas All the things that happened and that didn’t happen The times I > reached out And the times I kept my mouth shut Christmas more than any > other day Is so overloaded with meanings Memories a” >

    Like

  2. Thanks Bob and Debra –

    Something deep inside me thought these words might have value for some other people, but more than usually i thought it might all just be my own neurotic rambling. To know I reached you means a lot.

    Like

  3. Wow, Kathy, this makes me feel really good – and coming from such a thoughtful person. Makes me want to keep writing. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

    Like

  4. My friend, you are dear to me. I love you for your honesty and true being, all of your thoughts and feelings which so many fear to share. You show us what it is to be real!

    Love and hugs,
    Araya

    Like

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